stream of consciousness

this shit could be dangerous, just puttin my unedited thoughts out here... but whatevs. here we go:

ms biel (beil? nah... definitely i before e haha) used to have us do this in sophomore english. i miss high school. i miss gym clothes and cutting class and lunch period. bullshit study hall (i never had it but lynnette did so she'd be available for cutting with me, especially when i was on my "cut honors chemistry for 5 weeks straight" streak. wild days those were). i miss college too. my dad always said "college is a microcosm of the real world." i beg to differ. i mean... yeah there's different types of people and there's gratuitous sex and alcohol consumption. but in the real world there's no dance team and black student union (unless you're talkin NAACP but please don't get me started on al sharpton's perm havin ass). there's no meal plan and free gym membership and (damn i need to start workin out again! i don't know what people see when they think i'm of average size... actually, lemme take that back. i KNOW i'm average size but the average american is overweight so... plus i ain't never been about average in all my days).

i feel like going off on a tangent about averageness. jay-z said somethin to the effect (affect? damn my mind is shit today) of... gotdammit i wanna get the wording right so i'ma have to play the song right quick. ha. well whatever because i have about 75 of his songs in my itunes and i can't think of which one it is right now. but somn about havin extraordinary figures, he ain't no ordinary nigga... look around [at what he has], that ain't what ordinary gets ya. basically what i try to live by. you can only happen to have one of the illest lives on the planet if you happen to be one of the illest people. and at that point, it ain't happenstance.

ok and i digress...
chicago's weather is ass. each year it gets more and more unbearable. i almost didn't go to work this morning, not because i didn't feel like working, but because i didn't wanna brave the cold. and sometimes i find myself staying late for the same reason. it sucks that it gets dark so early and light so late. oooooh i miss those summer days when no matter what time you leave in the morning, it's already warm and sunny. and i especially love those sticky nights. even when it's dark, it's still hot. throw some friends in the car, open the sun roof, ride to the lake, throw on some shit with a neptunes beat, put the windows down and hang your bare feet out, grab a bottle from behind the seat and just chill. or (cuz now my mind is all on "sticky" and i'm not gettin laid as often as i'd like these days - dammit i HATE it. makes me feel like a nympho cuz it's always on my miiiind.. but whateva) those nights in the apartment, candle light and a fan, windows open, no AC, that cut somn playlist on, under the sheets inspite of the heat, sweat beads and sticky skin...mmm enough of THAT

i'm tired of people walking past my office and saying hi to me. i firmly believe that if you don't have much of shit else to say after the "hi" then you really didn't even need to say anything at all. you say "hi" and keep it moving, i yell out a "hey" without even looking up from my "work" and now what? this empty feeling inside. ha!